the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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