Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
