Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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