Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
