if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got inside last night via doggy door
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
