I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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