I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
