It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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