Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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