what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
