Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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