those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
