i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
