oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
