I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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