you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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