You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
