Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
