ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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