my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cannot find my penis.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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