just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
