my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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