Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
