I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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