You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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