Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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