I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize