Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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