i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
