My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you didnt know i had herpes?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
