Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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