My cat gives me a boner
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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