she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
