i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
