I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
