glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
