Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
