Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
