I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
