I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
