is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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