I just cut my nipple shaving
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He shit in the fireplace
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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