I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
