I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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