Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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