im six kinds of drunk right now
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
