I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
