dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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