Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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