I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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